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Saturday, July 5th, 2008
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what a Saturday! the 5th of July , 2008
rising again from the dead at 11h43am - a guide to love, loss and desperation
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I think I've been bitten by the liverpooler bug. I love these kids! Perfect study songs:
1. Tales of Girls, Boys and Marsupials - this 1:10-long song, goes like this: "tales of girls and boys and girls and marsupia-a-a-a-a-a-als" with vocalizing and clapping and that's it! Genuis!
2. Kill the Director - "I've met someone that makes me feel seasick!" is the kind of opening line that won't fail to get my attention.
3. Little Miss Pipedream - Now, if you're gonna listen to just one song in this whole album, make it this one. It's a showcase of beat, Englishman, and floss. "I don't mind that she gets hammered and goes home with other guys, there's no jealousy, coz she's little miss pipedream fantaseyyy..."
4. My First Wedding - this last song caps the album with just the right amount of energy that a finale needs -- loud, thick and would make you want to put the whole thing on repeat.
Other must-listens: Let's Dance to Joy Division, School Uniforms, and Patricia the Stripper. Get 'em now at a bittorrent site near you (Or you know, if you chance upon the album itself, buy it! Totally worth it.)
current music: "little miss pipedream" on repeat
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(3 off-toned oiseaus  sing the swan song)
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| Monday, June 30th, 2008
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what a Monday! the 30th of June , 2008
rising again from the dead at 1h54pm - my cosmic forces, they're career-oriented.
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And not in the "careerin mo siya, daliiii" way, okay.
Some time ago I was almost vomiting at the thought and all the anxiety that went with wanting to get this thing I was telling you about. This morning, the call of all calls came and I guess, if things go as planned, I'll be flying out first thing in October.
Beyond happy are two words that come to mind, but I guess it's more than that. Weird, unbelievable, absolutely fabulous -- I really don't know. Thanks to those who prayed and to the Pink Sisters in Tagaytay, you homegirls rock.
current mood: basking
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(5 off-toned oiseaus sing the swan song)
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| Wednesday, June 25th, 2008
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what a Wednesday! the 25th of June , 2008
rising again from the dead at 12h05pm - sad songs of the moment
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... because I'm depressed?
Hardly. Don't take sad songs against me. I just think they're beautifully written and put together (in fact, pay attention to some of the percussion work [of "To You" and "Painkiller"], they're awesome!)
1. "Nothing Came Out, " by the Moldy Peaches:
My thoughts exactly.
And besides you're probably holding hands
With some skinny pretty girl who likes to talk about bands;
All I wanna do is ride bikes with you
And stay up late, and watch cartoons...
I'm just your average thunder cats 'ho...
2. "Proof," by I am Kloot
I don't exactly understand what this song means. I just feel it's very personal, and these few lines particularly speak so resonately of misery in its everydayness:
Hey could you stand another drink
I'm better when I don't think
It seems to get me through
3. "To You," by I am Kloot
I am Kloot has got that ugly-lovely voice going. I especially love this piece from their first album, Natural History. Anna dedicated this to me on facebook, I wonder why. (Ahaha)
The gods and the saints preserve you,
Cos nobody here deserves you,
I’m living my life in flashback,
Since I lost my card or cashback,
And I’ve gone to wrack and ruin,
Since I don’t know what you’re doing,
There’s no clear or present danger
That I see in any stranger
4. "Pain Killer," by Turin Brakes
Please disregard the rest of the lyrics about giving head.
Sorry. I do however like these lines:
Summer rain, dripping down your face again,
Summer rain, praying someone feels the same
Take the painkiller
Cycle on your bicycle
Leave all these misery behind
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(2 off-toned oiseaus sing the swan song)
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| Wednesday, June 18th, 2008
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what a Wednesday! the 18th of June , 2008
rising again from the dead at 7h12am - passing afternoon
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Finally I watched House's Season-ender. It's quite sentimental, unfolded in the most clean, flowing way, even as House started to get back some of the memory from the night before. It's not erratic, the flashes of memory were not distracting. CTB was dying but the whole thing was neat. I was quite taken by the song towards the end, "Passing Afternoon," by Iron and Wine. I've heard it before and it's a beautiful song, but played with the particular scenes in the episode, it just, it fits.
Passing Afternoon
Iron and Wine
There are times that walk from you like some passing afternoon
Summer warmed the open window of her honeymoon
And she chose a yard to burn but the ground remembers her
Wooden spoons, her children stir her Bougainvillea blooms
There are things that drift away like our endless, numbered days
Autumn blew the quilt right off the perfect bed she made
And she's chosen to believe in the hymns her mother sings
Sunday pulls its children from their piles of fallen leaves
There are sailing ships that pass all our bodies in the grass
Springtime calls her children until she lets them go at last
And she's chosen where to be, though she's lost her wedding ring
Somewhere near her misplaced jar of Bougainvillea seeds
There are things we can't recall, Blind as night that finds us all
Winter tucks her children in, her fragile china dolls
But my hands remember hers, rolling around the shaded ferns
Naked arms, her secrets still like songs I'd never learned
There are names across the sea, only now I do believe
Sometimes, with the window closed, she'll sit and think of me
But she'll mend his tattered clothes and they'll kiss as if they know
A baby sleeps in all our bones, so scared to be alone
current music: iron and wine
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(4 off-toned oiseaus sing the swan song)
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| Tuesday, June 17th, 2008
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what a Tuesday! the 17th of June , 2008
rising again from the dead at 2h28pm - go-getting is a weird feeling
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I checked my gmail. It's only been six days since that email that made my heart race like a bunny (Yeah I did. Shout out to bunny jan.) And yet, my nerves are getting the best out of me. Yesterday was okay (until that mistext, which I won't talk about. I believe some people are mature enough to look past things like that. I mean, I hope they are.) I've been counting hours ever since. I have to write about it otherwise I'm positively sure I will go bonkers (if I haven't already.) (And there are too many parentheses in this paragraph! Salinger's bouquet of fresh parentheses comes to mind. Let me give you one right now -- (((((())))))). There.) I told Anna I haven't wanted anything as badly and I can't believe how true that is. If anyone could die of imagined anxiety attack, I'm terminal.
My friend just passed her legal ethics exam in Malaysia, which has a 90-something percent failing rate, and I couldn't be happier for her. Morally upright lawyers are all the rage right now! But really -- miracles, good graces, extraordinary things -- they do happen. I just hope the heavens extend some my way.
current music: "ode to..." ~ racheal yamagata
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(4 off-toned oiseaus sing the swan song)
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| Tuesday, June 10th, 2008
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what a Tuesday! the 10th of June , 2008
rising again from the dead at 8h57pm - 13th french film fest
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Click on the image for the screening schedule and film synopses. I've seen "Qui m'aime me suive - If you love me, follow me" (so-so) and "Ma Vie en l'Air - Love is in the air" (very nice, see it) in Penang. I'm thinking of seeing "Un baiser s'il vous plait" tomorrow night (and yeah, studying at shang the whole day para may point naman. EDIT: I forgot that I'm going to Sir E's lecture tomorrow so di rin pala ako makakahang-out sa shang. Oh well.)
current music: "15 step" ~ radiohead
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(2 off-toned oiseaus sing the swan song)
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| Tuesday, May 27th, 2008
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what a Tuesday! the 27th of May , 2008
rising again from the dead at 5h50pm - the spiders.
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what a Tuesday! the 27th of May , 2008
rising again from the dead at 4h31pm - about last week,
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Amazing. Penang is amazing. Damina and her family are amazing. Putting the hawt in Hat Yai is amazing. The sleeper train ride was amazing until 7 am when we got bored. KL and KL friends are amazing. JB and Raihan are amazing. And coming back alive, passport and camera intact, is amazing.
I ought to go back. Explore more. Go further north, go further south, everywhere the wind fancies taking me.
I go home tomorrow night with a heavy heart filled with dread, anxiety and the 12 other existential feelings I wrote down in phenomenology class. But I'm happy. Contentment feels like a cold breeze to one's face while on board a free ferry ride. (On the other hand, disappointment is seeing breakable promises snapping right in front of you, as well as the heartache of knowing this is exactly happening the way you imagined it. But that's for another vague journal entry.)
Thank God for friends.
current music: "proof" ~ i am kloot
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(sing the swan song)
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| Wednesday, May 7th, 2008
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what a Wednesday! the 7th of May , 2008
rising again from the dead at 8h21pm - distant water won't quench your immediate thirst
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-- says the Chinese proverb that's been stuck in my iGoogle page for weeks.
Yeah, yeah, I get it. Sana lang mag-refresh na yung Chinese proverbs ko di ba. Ang tagal na niyan eh, at parang may dinadrive home na point. Sabi ngang gets ko na eh. Gets ko na!
Meanwhile, in cyberspace, where distance is decidedly immaterial, the eternal question springs, well, eternal:
joweinie: naaalala ko, iniisip pa natin dati "bat kaya hindi sila umimbento ng technology na directly records sound into a small chip(?)"
joweinie: then *charan*
joweinie: in the year 2000!
charlie: yeah maybe we're inventors in our past lives
charlie: ikaw si alex graham bell, ako si thomas edison
charlie: they both died single
joweinie: gusto ko curies
joweinie: sasabihin ko palang
joweinie: curie, para couple
charlie: ok, ako si marie
charlie: kasi mas girl ako
joweinie : pero ayoko na ikaw yung boy curie syempre
joweinie: wah!
joweinie : mas mabilis ka magtype
joweinie: i mean, ako si marie, pero ayaw kitang husband
joweinie: so wrong
charlie: hahaha
charlie: andito na naman tayo sa plain of unreality
charlie: plane
charlie: !!
charlie: wah
joweinie: freudian slip yan
charlie: i hate homonyms
joweinie: baka plain ng reality
joweinie: BAKIT YUNG MGA PALIKERO
joweinie: IN A LONG TERM SERIOUS ADULT RELATIONSHIP NA
charlie: hay
charlie: ewan
EWAN.
-end-
-for now-
current music: "violet hills" ~ coldplay
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(sing the swan song)
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| Monday, April 21st, 2008
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what a Monday! the 21st of April , 2008
rising again from the dead at 10h43pm - english and alcohol
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"I'd like to learn a new langauage: Scottish.
It's a mixture of English and alcohol.
You drink a pint and end each sentence with 'you bastard'."
- Sean Meo
 There are many reasons why I love "Trainspotting." One, and this is principally because I'm such an awful fangirl, it stars Ewan McGregor. He breathes out carbon dioxide of cool, man. I can't say much about his recent movie choices but anybody who can do what he did in "Pillow Book" (which you have to see for yourself), gains my respect permanently. Two, the soundtrack is awesome. Iggy Pop's "Lust for life" gets anyone going. Three, I am fascinated with Irvine Welsh's writing. I have his short stories "Acid House." You can smell the dirt off the book pages, it's wicked. Finally, the movie was so craftily directed: it goes fast-paced and then it slows down, it shows Ewan in a pit of shit. Every element works for me. It shows no shame, none at all. It throws everything in your face however disgusting, horrid, and utterly taboo. This is from the same Danny Boyle who directed another one of my favorite movies, the much less R-rated, moral lesson-filled "Millions."
(The Scottish countryside, among miles and miles of beautiful hills)
TOMMY: Doesn't it make you proud to be Scottish?
RENTON: I hate being Scottish. We're the lowest of the fucking low, the scum of the earth, the most wretched, servile, miserable, pathetic trash that was ever shat into civilization. Some people hate the English, but I don't. They're just wankers. We, on the other hand, are colonized by wankers. We can't even pick a decent culture to be colonized by. We are ruled by effete arseholes. It's a shite state of affairs and all the fresh air in the world will not make any fucking difference.
If you're a generally happy person, or a squeamish happy person, you might not get Trainspotting's drift. But fact is, I am a generally happy person. I just enjoy ballsy films that could make crap or rather, junk, thoroughly entertaining. And if you look hard enough, you'd find that it's a gem of a film because despite all the goo, it has heart and it is hopeful. I choose life, each and every day, getting by, looking ahead.
RENTON: So why did I do it? I could offer a million answers, all false. The truth is that I'm a bad person, but that's going to change, I'm going to change. This is the last of this sort of thing. I'm cleaning up and I'm moving on, going straight and choosing life. I'm looking forward to it already. I'm going to be just like you: the job, the family, the fucking big television, the washing machine, the car, the compact disc and electrical tin opener, good health, low cholesterol, dental insurance, mortgage, starter home, leisurewear, luggage, three-piece suite, DIY, game shows, junk food, children, walks in the park, nine to five, good at golf, washing the car, choice of sweaters, family Christmas, indexed pension, tax exemption, clearing the gutters, getting by, looking ahead, to the day you die.
current music: "choose life" ~ PF project (trainspotting OST)
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(2 off-toned oiseaus sing the swan song)
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| Saturday, April 19th, 2008
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what a Saturday! the 19th of April , 2008
rising again from the dead at 10h29am - may epilogue
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I'm scared when you come back
that I might realize
I don't like you that much.
current music: "I summon you" ~ Britt Daniel at the back of a cab
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(sing the swan song)
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what a Saturday! the 19th of April , 2008
rising again from the dead at 9h42am - 5-year plan
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In an actual interview for a law firm,
Interviewer: Do you have plans of getting married in the next 5 years?
Interviewee: (Quickly) No.
Ir: No? You answered so fast, are you that sure?
Ie: Yes. The next 5 years is practically tomorrow.
Ir: You just haven't found the right person yet.
After the interview,
Ie: They asked me if I had plans to get married in the next 5 years. I said "no" and they asked why I answered so fast.
Other interviewees: Why didn't they ask us that?! I would've said no but at least they could've asked! Do we look like the type who won't get married in the next 5 years?!
Ie: Wait, so I look like the type who would get married in the next 5 years?!
Some were offended. Others were amused. But reality is pervasive, being all, you know, REAL. And fact is, no one, who writes in this blog, is getting married in the next 5 years, not any one of those 16 personalities.
current music: "long distance call" ~ phoenix
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(6 off-toned oiseaus sing the swan song)
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| Monday, April 14th, 2008
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what a Monday! the 14th of April , 2008
rising again from the dead at 1h18am - I believe
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During the Eucharist part of the mass this afternoon, it dawned on me how different Judaism is to Christianity. (Obviously they are, but stay put, I've some sort of point here.) Having watched "The Believer," the previous night, I had all these newly learned things about the Torah and Jewish customs, how deeply ingrained the heritage is in their religion. And I was amazed at how existential the core ideas were. They reminded me of Philosophy 114 and Wednesday mornings in Palma Hall. When the priest this afternoon began the liturgy of the Eucharist, I was overwhelmed at the thought that the Jews don’t revere Christ as we do. There is no body of Christ who takes away the sins of the world, no Holy Sacrifice on the cross. It was all very fascinating to me how when we say “our” people, one refers to history as different as night and day and yet we branched out from the same father of all nations.
 “The Believer,” I’d like to believe was not made to gratify a particular creed. It was about the inner struggle of a young man plagued with what he know and what he was taught when he was growing up and the hatred he harbored as to what he has become because of this. “Nothingness to no end” makes every sense. The idea that God cannot be conceived because he is nothingness and nothingness is He, bigger than anything you can ever think of. And this very power of thought has fueled huge movements in society – how people lead their lives, how people perceive other people.
I’d like to believe the film is teaching some sort of a moral lesson, a twisted sense of tolerance. In the end, Daniel Balint said that the bane of existence of Judaism is suffering, and that by hating the Jews, people feed that hunger, which perpetuates the chosen people syndrome. So what do we do? We should love them, and then they shall vanish. It’s a sensational resolve. Daniel later commits suicide inside a synagogue by the very bomb he himself planted right below the pulpit. He has become so contradictory that in the end, he had to cancel himself out.
Throughout the film, the story of Abraham was brought up several times. When Abraham was about to kill his son Isaac, what could have he possibly felt? Kierkegaard called Abraham the “knight of faith” as opposed to a knight of infinite resignation. Faith is founded in the belief in the absurd. Daniel Balint believed that the entire exercise is a power play orchestrated by God to show that He can make the most virtuous man commit human sacrifice just because He can. In Soren K’s terms, is there a theological suspension of the ethical?
“The Believer” is supposed to be a true story. And why wouldn’t it be?
N.B.: Again, this film stars Ryan Gosling, as a Jewish Neo-Nazi who recited Torah passages in Hebrew flawlessly. I know I find hotness in everything he does (to my opinion’s discredit), but this is just amazing. At least I got to review the film sort of properly without the giddy, right? Right?
current music: "happy yellow bumblebee" ~ of montreal
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(2 off-toned oiseaus sing the swan song)
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| Friday, April 11th, 2008
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what a Friday! the 11th of April , 2008
rising again from the dead at 6h46pm - believe
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 First thing every morning
before you arise
say out loud, "I believe,"
three times.
- Ovid
current mood: waiting
current music: "I believe" ~ I am Kloot
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(sing the swan song)
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| Monday, April 7th, 2008
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what a Monday! the 7th of April , 2008
rising again from the dead at 11h21am - goslinging
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During the break, I've watched four Ryan Gosling films: The Notebook, Fracture, Lars and the Real Girl and Half Nelson. I couldn't help it, I'm sorry. As Ethel said, he's not your typical good-looking actor, he smolders. And he leans on things, all tall and dashing.
Here's an observation, in three out of the four films, they made him read out loud excerpts from a book of some sort. In The Notebook, Noah Calhoun read Spontaneous Me and So Long by Walt Whitman. In Fracture, Willy Beachum read Oh, the Places You'll Go! by Dr. Seuss. And in Lars and the Real Girl, Lars Lindstrom read the Bible (I think) to Bianca the doll.
 He didn't read anything in Half Nelson, though. He did have this dialogue, which I've replayed a few more times than normally acceptable:
Latin Chick: Are you a communist?
Mr. Dunne: (Puzzled look) What?
LC: I was looking through your books, Che in Africa?
MD: So?
LC: The Communist Manifesto?
MD: If had a copy of Mein Kampf, would that make me a Nazi?
LC: Well you don’t have a copy of Mein Kampf, but if you did, then yes, I’d ask you if you were a Nazi
MD: Maybe I’m hiding it
LC: Why would you hide it?
MD: Coz it’s just not cool to be a Nazi anymore, baby.
 And that bit ranked high in my list of favorite Gosling moments. I know writers wrote the whole schtick, but it's the delivery, man. It's just the sort of thing that will come out of a crackhead history major teaching 8th graders how diaclectics works. It's believable, the way he said his lines. The boy can act. I don't even have to mention the scenes where he went around wearing vintage sunglasses and a star-spangled band-aid on his lower lip. But I did anyway 'coz that's just hot.
current mood:  giddy
current music: "lover's spit" ~ feist
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(4 off-toned oiseaus sing the swan song)
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| Sunday, April 6th, 2008
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what a Sunday! the 6th of April , 2008
rising again from the dead at 3h40pm - Sometimes I wonder if you're mythologizing me like I do you.
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Last year's "Hissing Fauna, Are You the Destroyer?" by Of Montreal, is my current favorite album.
I'm picky with albums. I like flow, I like substance, I like melodies and words that will hold my attention throughout the whole thing. A lot of percussion is sometimes preferred. Artists often produce a brilliant song or two but disappoint with the rest of the songs.
But not Of Montreal. Kevin Barnes is 80s. I can imagine him with skinny pants and glittery shirt like that kid played by Jonathan Rhyss Myers (?) in Velvet Goldmine. He sings with such a thin voice, too. I usually don't like that, but his squealing, "I just want to hold the di-vi-i-i-i-i-ne in mi-i-i-i-nd and forgeeeeeeeeet..." sold it to me.
"Hissing Fauna" is a compilation of sad songs under a disco ball, bordering on robotic, channeling the pet shop boys or even, God bless them, the beastie boys. Best of all, I love the lyrics. They're insanely well-researched. I had to go to songmeanings.com a few times to check the references.
Here are some of the songs from the album. My favorites change from time to time.
1. "Gronlandic Edit," - the message: Physics makes us all its bitches. Tell me, how can I not love that?
2. "The Past Is A Grotesque Animal" - is 11 minutes and 53 seconds long. There was a time in my life when I thought Oasis' "Do you know what I mean" is too long but I listened to it over and over for months. And it's the same phenomenon with this song. It's monolithic. It's backgrounded by a bass line, and there's a synth solo that, according to one review, sounds like an angry flying saucer. And yet, with words like "Somehow you've red-rovered the gestapo circling my heart/ And nothing can defeat you/ ... Sometimes I wonder if you're mythologizing me like I do you" I've had it on repeat for the past 3 days. "How can I explain, I need you here but not here, too" -- exactly.
3. She's A Rejector - apparently a true story (as most of their songs), this is a funny song. Again he squeals: "There's the girl that left me bitter/ Want to pay some other girl/ To just walk up to her and hit her." And sissies up. Hah, cute.
4. Bunny Ain't No Kind of Rider - another Bunny song! Moldy Peaches has got "Little Bunny Foo Foo," the Shins has "Red Rabbits," and Kimya Dawson has "Velvet Rabbit" - I love it! But back to this song -- it's catchy, kind of reminds me of "Wraith Pinned to the Mist..." and clubby. "I need a lover with soul power/ But you ain't got no soul power!" Arrogant, too, apparently.
Well that's all for now. I love this band.
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(4 off-toned oiseaus sing the swan song)
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| Thursday, March 27th, 2008
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what a Thursday! the 27th of March , 2008
rising again from the dead at 10h43am - goodbye song
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Give this a listen.
It's one of the freshest A Capellas (EDIT: apparently, not really, there's a soft guitar in the background) I've heard, needing no merit from voice quality even. It embodies the very concept of surviving solely on creativity.
Say goodbye, old friend, let's call the whole thing o-o-o-o-off.
current music: "goodbye song" ~ the moldy peaches
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(sing the swan song)
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| Sunday, March 23rd, 2008
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what a Sunday! the 23rd of March , 2008
rising again from the dead at 6h23pm - happy easter, bunny!
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So over two years after it came out, I watched the Notebook. Because when you wanna do everything else other than studying, you waste your time on things you would never have done given a lot of time. I've sunk low, man. The story is so-so, predictable and full of cheese. BUT, Ryan Gosling, let me just say, is hot. I've got two words for you: rain scene. Oh and one line: "You're trying to kill me, woman." Wow. I like. Hahaha.
Two hours of "study time" wasted. Awesome.
Happy Easter!
current music: "toothpaste kisses" ~ the macabees
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(2 off-toned oiseaus sing the swan song)
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| Friday, March 21st, 2008
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what a Friday! the 21st of March , 2008
rising again from the dead at 8h22am - my face is up here.
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Constant checking for xkcd updates has led me to this site, which features venn diagrams and graphs, brilliant stuff like this:
"The time has come," the Walrus said, "To talk of many things: of shoes and ships and sealing-wax, of cabbages and kings, and why the sea is boiling hot and whether pigs have wings." - Indexed
It's Good Friday, look up higher.
current music: "i boxed up all the butterflies" ~ boy least likely to
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(sing the swan song)
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| Thursday, March 20th, 2008
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what a Thursday! the 20th of March , 2008
rising again from the dead at 11h06am - it's too darn hot to deal with issues
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"And I feel, so much depends on the weather
So is it raining in your bedroom?"
- Stone Temple Pilots, Plush
It may have looked like desperation; smelled like it, too. And some days I feel like it is. But in the end, I can (with imaginary throwing of hands in the air) just say, "oh screw it," and go back to studying for the finals. Screw the cruel forces of the universe and complicated people with viscous issues (think molasses, viscosity and basic chemistry). I don't want to deal with any of you, thank you very much.
And that's starting today. I promise.
current music: "elephant" ~ damien rice
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(4 off-toned oiseaus sing the swan song)
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| Tuesday, March 18th, 2008
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what a Tuesday! the 18th of March , 2008
rising again from the dead at 8h53am
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Do I imagine he no longer trembles
when I come close to him?
He seems no longer to tremble."
- theodore roethke
current music: "between the bars" ~ elliott smith
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(sing the swan song)
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| Sunday, March 16th, 2008
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what a Sunday! the 16th of March , 2008
rising again from the dead at 11h16pm - it's a valid existential question. hmp.
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So this afternoon, out of the blue and without any warning by way of a "by the way", I asked my roommate, "Why, am I not girlfriend material?"
She looked at me with a sharp where did that come from look, which I admit is warranted by the circumstance, what with the question coming out of nowhere and all. But I have been wondering. I've been Julie Delpy-ing the whole thing. Neuroses included.
I may not be. I don't know. For one, I don't like chocolates that much. Like I won't crave for chocolates more than I would crave for say, Indian curry, fresh spring rolls or spicy mango salad. My favorite dessert is sour cream cheesecake for godssakes. I even wrote a haiku about it once. I think a proper girlfriend should like chocolates and sweets, don't you? And should refrain from writing pseudo poems about sour cheesecakes. For what it's worth I do wear vanilla perfume and well, smell like a bakeshop.
Another thing, I survive too well on my own. Give me music, a book and a free afternoon, I'm happy. Give me a fast internet connection and new episodes of House or How I met your mother, or any nerdy line by Charlie Eppes and I'll be giddy for hours. Tsk. Too well, I'm telling you.
Maybe when one starts to become needy then the needed will heed and feed the need. Hm. (Too much long e's.) So how do you develop that deep, harrowing need for someone?
May showed me this poem last night. It's called "The archipelago of kisses," and, speaking of deep harrowing need, goes like this:
".. one kiss levitates above all the others. The
intersection of function and desire...
The I'll love you through a brick wall kiss.
Even when I'm dead, I'll swim through the Earth,
like a mermaid of the soil, just to be next to your bones."
The intersection of function and desire... Wow.
See, I get it, I do. And there are times (such as tonight) when a foreign place inside of you aches like a bottomless pit of emptiness, as if you're being turned inside out, like you're looking at an abyss and the abyss looks back at you. Yes, Nietzsche, that same old bloody feeling.
So I don't know how to end this. I'm pretty sure the need is there, in that dark, dusty place together with the desire to be normal. Establishing the needee, I think the more pressing question is, where's the needed?
current music: "secretly," ~ skunk anansie
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(11 off-toned oiseaus sing the swan song)
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| Wednesday, March 12th, 2008
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what a Wednesday! the 12th of March , 2008
rising again from the dead at 11h45pm - cool and hip and jupiter: a repost
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[Prologue: This one's dedicated to Annabanana. Because life's a wheel that keeps on turnin'. Are you ready? Sing with me: "The will of the wind... you feel it and then..."]
A quick breeze-through my ultimate hitchhiker's guide to the galaxy revealed a number of relativist truths to me.
"I'm so amazingly cool you could keep a side of meat inside me for a month.
I am so hip I have difficulty seeing over my pelvis."
I think Zaphod Beeblebrox said this. Keep Cool, keep cool. In fact, why do we need to think? Can't we just sit and go budumbudumbudum with our lips for a bit?
In the words of Slartibarfast, I'd rather be happy than right, any day.
"Life," Ford said, "is like a grapefruit."
The Creature was confused, "Er, how so?"
"Well, it's sort of orangey-yellow and dimpled on the outside, wet and squidgy in the middle. It's got pips inside, too. Oh, and some people have half a one for breakfast."
My personal favorite coping mechanism has always been ambiguity. Surrealisme, baby. It's what keeps art profound, meaning vibrant. I will forever be your combustive tablature of igneous geometries.
I've been looking for the fast forward button and I was so sure I could find it. I didn't. So I'm thinking, what I can do instead is to switch off right-brainy emotions for a while and be a dead, humorless, codal provisions-filled final exam-taker, and all these would be over. As Spoon rightly points out, everything hits at once. Eyes closed. Fake smile. Feigned enthusiasm. Don't Panic. Good Plan.
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(2 off-toned oiseaus sing the swan song)
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what a Wednesday! the 12th of March , 2008
rising again from the dead at 11h53am - let's get some data.
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Amita: I’m gonna stay in a hotel
Charlie: No, we need simulations for our game theory, an algorithm to determine what our next step should be as a couple
Amita: Well maybe our next step should be you and me in a hotel
(They kiss.)
Charlie: Hm. Let’s get some data.
- Numb3rs, Season 4, Episode 12
Bwahahaha. I love geek love.
current music: "funky squaredance" ~ phoenix
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(sing the swan song)
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| Tuesday, March 11th, 2008
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what a Tuesday! the 11th of March , 2008
rising again from the dead at 8h15pm - looking back
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Everything happens so fast these days, thank goodness for photographs.
It's been about 12 weeks since Sabah, for instance. I couldn't have thought late November that I would meet him. And that, eventually, I would go through 10 different kinds of emotions the month after I left. It's like that song by Cacai Velasquez, "slowly fading, like a painting on your wall, yet as clear as the sound of your laugh... forever captured in my mind you'll remain as still as a photograph." And when the weeks start to go double digits, you move on.
Then there's the thing that helped me get over the whirlwind that was December. That, too, was quicker than a ray of light. And yes, I just quoted Madonna. Anyway, now I think we plateaud. You would reach that point where you either go mad and jump or you decide it's not worth the madness and the altitude change, and you move on.
I'm not looking forward to anything from now until the end of April when we finally (jinx, unjinx) graduate and I go away somewhere relatively foreign, with longer days and filled with Chinese (mothershiiiip!) I'm thinking short skirts and flat boots, codal in hand while drinking milk tea, fancy a lassi?
In an unprecedented turn of events in the duration of this entry, I want to look back to suckity suck 2006 --
Suicide is painless, says Nick Drake.
Asking some guy to one's ball is yet another story.
How does one do it?
"Hey, you know, we're having a ball on the 1st or 2nd saturday of march. did anybody ask you already?"
*Incomprehensible blabber of Mandarin*
"Ah... so, do you wanna go with me? It'd be fancy, truly lame music i could tell, but good food. There will, in all probability, be chicken. Because things suck without chicken."
If he says "NO," "I CAN'T," "I'm busy," "Aburuburubuubuu" in his best impression of English... I'd be crushed.
Shet. Suicide is painful.
Yeah. True story. But we move on.
It's only been 12 weeks. I have less pictures in all of my undergraduate years combined. Yet it seems I've forgotten everything. I keep getting disoriented flashes of memories of things that happened. I used to remember every detail, every little magical thing. Now I can't even relay a proper story. Maybe I'm becoming un-Celine, less attached, more mechanical as opposed to being one big blob of emotional wreckage. Or maybe I'm just not in the mood.
Bunny says she's feeling a bit off lately, weird. And I am, too, for some reason. I blame hormones.
current mood: off
current music: "I believe" ~ I am Kloot
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(sing the swan song)
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| Saturday, March 8th, 2008
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what a Saturday! the 8th of March , 2008
rising again from the dead at 9h00am - zero point two seconds
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It was the night that the election results were coming in.
He was there, all brooding and Physics major-ly. I thought for a minute that my mind is making him up, because it's elections and I associate him with it. But I closed my eyes and opened them, and he's still there, real and surreal at the same time.
"Uy, hi..."
"Hi," and then looked down on my camera.
I thought of triathlon and Alan lightman, of Indian food, I thought of colorful shoes.
I'm a dork. But for exactly 0.2 seconds, I was wholly happy. And possibly blushing a magnificent crimson (I didn't check).
current music: "wraith pinned to the mist and other games" ~ of montreal
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(1 off-toned oiseau sing the swan song)
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| Monday, March 3rd, 2008
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what a Monday! the 3rd of March , 2008
rising again from the dead at 2h05am - ball and chain
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Fairy Godperson: Hello, Cinderella, I am your fairy godperson, or individual deity proxy, if you prefer. So, you want to go to the ball, eh? And bind yourself into the male concept of beauty? Squeeze yourself into some tight-fitting dress that will cut off your circulation? Jam your feet into high-heeled shoes that will ruin your bone structure? Paint your face with chemicals and make-up that have been tested on animals?
Cinderella: Oh yes, definitely!
- Politically Correct Bedtime Stories by James Finn Garner
current music: "flourescent adolescent" ~ arctic monkeys
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(4 off-toned oiseaus sing the swan song)
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| Monday, February 25th, 2008
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what a Monday! the 25th of February , 2008
rising again from the dead at 11h14pm - cap ou pas cap?
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 Wow, Marion Cotillard won best actress in this morning's Academy Awards. She's come a long way. The last time I saw her was in Tim Burton's Big Fish. But her most memorable performance for me (at least granted that I haven't seen her portray Edith Piaf in La Vie en Rose) is still as Sophie in Yann Samuell's Love me if you dare (French title's Jeux des Enfants or Child's Play).
In the film, the dashing, tortuously dreamy Guillaume Canet plays Julien. Sophie was his childhood best friend. They played a sick game which involved daring each other to do crazy things. The game quickly caught up with their obvious feelings for each other as they became adults and life got complicated, consequences became real. The problem I think was that despite their age, they still dealt with the game as children and never admitted to their true feelings. Watching this film always leaves me suffocating, wanting to come up for air.
  
My favorite scene is when Julien was driving to see Sophie (when {I think} he finally decided that he dares to love her after all). He had not seen her for 10 years and was madly speeding, you could feel the exhilarating pump of adrenaline rushing through him. He started by saying that ten years is a long time:
"C’est long, 10 ans.
Sacrée Sophie le jeu avait reprit sur les chapeaux de roue.
Du bonheur à l'état pur, brut, natif, volcanique, quel pied !
C'était mieux que tout.
Mieux que la drogue, mieux que l'héro, mieux que la dope, coke, crack, vis, joints, shit, shoot, snif, pète, ganja, mariejane, cannabis, beuh, bayonne, buvard, acide, LSD, extasy ...
Mieux que le sexe, mieux que la fellation, 69, partouze, masturbation, tantrisme, kama-sutra, evade thaïlandaise.
Mieux que le nutella au beurre de cacahuètes, milk shake banane.
Mieux que les trilogies de George Lucas, l'intégrale des Muppets show et la fin 2001, mieux que le déhanché d' Emma Peel, Marilyn, la Schtroumpfette, Lara Croft, Naomi Campbell et le grain de beauté de Cindy Crawford, mieux que la face caché de la baie d'Along le solo d'Hendrix.
Mieux que le premier pas d'Armstrong sur la Lune, le Space Mountain, la hotte du père Noël, la fortune de Bill Gates, les transes du Dalaï Lama,les NDE, la résurrection de Lazare, toutes les picouses de testostérone de Schwarzy, le collagène dans les lèvres de Paméla Anderson, mieux que Wood-Stock et les rave partys les plus orgasmiques, mieux que la défonce de Sade, de Rimbaud, Morrison & Castaneda.
Mieux que la liberté, mieux que la vie..."
I could put up the translation for you, or you could just cut and paste to babelfish, it's better in French anyway. Imagine Julien saying the lines, building up, increasingly intensifying (redundant, whoops) and concluding that loving Sophie is better than freedom itself, better than life.
One of the stranger closings I've ever seen, the movie ended with the two main characters liplocked, drowning slowly in cement. Fantastic.
current music: "la vie en rose"
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(3 off-toned oiseaus sing the swan song)
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| Saturday, February 23rd, 2008
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what a Saturday! the 23rd of February , 2008
rising again from the dead at 12h25pm - and the dilemma continues,
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Marshall: So you gonna ask her out?
Ted: yes. NO! I cant ask her out because if I ask her out I'm ASKING HER OUT. So how do I ask her out, without asking her out?
Lily: Did you guys get high?
-How I met your mother
Yeah, how does one do that exactly?
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(6 off-toned oiseaus sing the swan song)
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| Thursday, February 21st, 2008
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what a Thursday! the 21st of February , 2008
rising again from the dead at 2h56pm - top 10 love songs
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This is a little late for Valentine's and a little early for St. Patrick's. But who cares? (Ho cares.) On is a No in reverse. I'm gonna do a High Fidelity and name my top 10 love songs of all time.
1. Yellow by Coldplay
Here's the thing about Coldplay, I think "Parachutes" is one of the best albums of all time, and the namesake 47-second song "Parachutes" is easily one of my favorite love songs, too. But the first track "Yellow," telling you to look up the stars and see how they shine for you, and that for you he'd bleed himself dry, is pure, unadulterated, raw love. There's something about skin and bones being objectified that's quite endearing and charming in a sick but beautiful way.
2. Every Little Thing She does is Magic by the Police
This song is perfect, quite simply. And I think Sting's voice can literally undress you, in some old-fashioned way.
3. The Shining by Badly Drawn Boy
"Faith pours from your walls
Drowning your calls
I tried to hear, you're not near
Remembering when
I saw your face
Shining my way
Pure timing
And suddenly you're in love with everything"
No matter how many times I listen to this song, it never gets old. I still remember running around the oval, bumping into someone and the world turning orange in approximately 1.9 seconds.
4. Appleblossom by The White Stripes
This is a classic rescue-me-baby song that makes me forget what little feminist virtues I still have. And in the end Jack White goes, "I think I'll marry you," disregarding consent. Great.
5. Northern Sky by Nick Drake
Well, for one, Nick Drake is Nick Drake. He's a rainy Sunday morning when you're tucked under your sheets and would rather daydream the time away. That's Nick Drake and this song embodies everything lovely about him.
6. Strange and Beautiful (I'll put a Spell on You) by Aqualung
It starts out quite harmlessly, "I've been watching your world from afar/ I've been trying to be where you are/ I've been secretly falling apart..." and then turns into full-blown, stalkerly obsession, "I'll put a spell on you/ You'd fall asleep/ When I put a spell on you/ And when you wake up/ I'd be the first thing you see/ And you'd realize that you love me." Neat, don't you think?
7. Be Mine by David Gray
David Gray has this unusual, sexy voice. And his lyrics are no different: "Knock me over, stone-cold sober not a thing I could say or do..." When he goes: "Come on baby it's all right/ Sunday Monday day or night/ Written blue on white it's plain to see (Be mine, Be mine)/That rainy shiny night or day/ What's the difference anyway/ Baby till your heart belongs to me (Be mine, Be mine)" -- all you can say is oh-kay.
8. Something by the Beatles (George Harrison)
"Something" is not the sweetest of love songs. In fact, it's a little on the bastard side. I mean, "You're asking me will my love grow, I don't know, I don't know," is not exactly the best way to express undying love. But there's something about this song, I wonder what it is.
9. Crash into Me by Dave Matthews Band
Well, well, well. With a boyish playfulness to each line, this song borders obscenity. And sometimes you just want that. Haha.
10. This will be our year by OK Go (originally by the Zombies)
Young, hopeful love. This song evokes images of summer dresses and afternoons hopskipping in a park. It caters the overly hopeless romantic that still resides in a small clean place in our dark hearts.
current mood:  sleepy
current music: "naked as we came" ~ iron and wine
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(5 off-toned oiseaus sing the swan song)
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| Wednesday, February 20th, 2008
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what a Wednesday! the 20th of February , 2008
rising again from the dead at 5h47pm - On --
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-- is a No in reverse.
In less than 24 hours.
It's not exactly a yes, but what are you gonna do?
I know, I know, I should stick true to my own badly strung declarations. But in a way, they still hold true. What is truth anyway, but mimsies and borogogues and possibly unicorns. Just when I ruled out the problem, the problem began solving itself. I wonder if that sort of thing would work with my labor case this Friday.
***
So I stayed and chose him over (1) a rare invite to a horror movie, and (2) the purportedly hot eng'g rep.
A number of factors come to mind, but logic isn't one of them. Could it be his tito-vic-and-joey humor? Because you know I can be incredibly shallow like that. Or maybe it's because happiness is a blue shirt. Possible. I've always been a fan of coincidence, in fact I think I'll start a club (Len are you in?) One thing's for sure though, we compensate, 2008.
current music: "fidelity" ~ regina spektor
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(sing the swan song)
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| Sunday, February 17th, 2008
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what a Sunday! the 17th of February , 2008
rising again from the dead at 11h05pm - No.
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I've resolved not to ruin the best phase about liking someone by asking him to this year's ball. In fact, to put it correctly, I didn't just resolve this, I have actually never even considered the minute possibility of him and me in such setting. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no... No. Really. Thirteen No's.
There's no hurry, I have no goal, there are no daydreams of holding hands while walking. (I don't think I've ever had one really. But that's not the point.) No. I see him sometimes, and sometimes I don't. Little tops with strings go to waste. We talk and have long conversations and he's funny, I'm funny, flight of the conchords is funny, and some other times it's just a hi and a bye.
I want to wait in vain. It's okay. I want the constant surprise of him saying something totally nonsensical, and ever so slightly flirtatious. Ever so slightly. Yes.
But as I said, no. This year, I am going to my last ball with my beautiful friends. We will toast to the good years and the occasional bad judgments and it will be awesome.
"I am too old,
too frightened,
too much in love with the shred of life I have remaining."
- Atonement, Ian McEwan
current mood: atoned.
current music: "every little thing he does is magic" ~ shawn colvin
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(7 off-toned oiseaus sing the swan song)
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| Friday, February 8th, 2008
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what a Friday! the 8th of February , 2008
rising again from the dead at 8h10pm - mad woman writing thesis, phase 1.
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It's SLR (Supervised Legal Research) crunch time and I'm munching on this unbelievably rich chocolate brownie topped with hardened cream cheese, which is crazy good. I'm feeling sugar rushing straight to my head. I know it's bad to chemically abuse your brain and trick it into thinking you have energy, but my will is weak. This is a low point for will power, I'm sorry, Friedrich. In an hour or two I'll be sugar-crashing and that would be good bloody luck to my tax review class tomorrow morning. I'm watching hours fly by like the absynthe fairy in an acidic haze.
It's our turn to rant about SLR.
Rant, rant, rant, rant...
Thesis sucks. And I'm a big baby. Boohoo.
current music: "lover's spit" ~ feist
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(sing the swan song)
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| Friday, February 1st, 2008
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what a Friday! the 1st of February , 2008
rising again from the dead at 11h04pm - transatlanticism
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The distance is quite simply much too far for me to row
It seems farther than ever before
Oh no,
I need you so much closer
- Deathcab
***
Yes, two journal entries tonight.
Because tax review is slowly turning my brain into stone.
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(6 off-toned oiseaus sing the swan song)
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what a Friday! the 1st of February , 2008
rising again from the dead at 10h14pm - public advisory
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The immediately preceding entry with the title "pausing for some philo-talk" was locked by herein journal owner solely for livejournal friends. Any further incrimination of oneself would be precluded, with a bit of luck one hopes, from now onwards.
The owner maintains that substance is indeed, pardon the term, sexy, and so are chefs of the tall variety.
Please be advised.
C.
current music: "language of a lady" ~ kingsomniac
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(4 off-toned oiseaus sing the swan song)
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| Tuesday, January 29th, 2008
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what a Tuesday! the 29th of January , 2008
rising again from the dead at 12h56am - when your title's so obvious it's not worth putting in
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"Chill," he tells her.
It has not been eight weeks yet it feels like an eternity and a half had passed by. Not only is he physically distant, his words right after he say them turn to dust as if nothing that happened ever mattered. They did not matter then much less do they matter now. Their long, enduring conversations, hours and hours of stolen time, had been reduced to... "Chill." That's what he told her. He told her to chill. And in her head, the word "strangle," popped out of nowhere.
"1h45 a.m. here," he said. He is looking forward to seeing her in the summer. She has nothing to say to him. She would tell him to "chill," too, but she isn't feeling very humorous tonight.
She closes her eyes and has this vision: She sees him fading away into meaninglessness. The thought leaves her with a profound, insurmountable sadness, great and empty like a hollow tunnel with no light. And she realizes, he's right. There's really nothing left to do but... chill.
current music: "fever dream," ~ iron and wine
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(2 off-toned oiseaus sing the swan song)
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| Saturday, January 19th, 2008
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what a Saturday! the 19th of January , 2008
rising again from the dead at 10h23am - escape to tagaytay
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 Thursday night, Civil Law Review class ended at 8h45pm.
There was some clamor to go for pizza. Anna was saying no, she has to study for civ class the next day and she has OLA, etc. Anya said, "Libre ko!" And off everyone went, including Anna. Who says no to free pizza? Nobody. A couple of slices of Garden Variety later, we were speeding, 120kph, along SLEX on the way to Tagaytay.
I've done this before, why did I do it again? Because it's loads of fun, that's why. It was a school night, people have OLA the next day at 8 am, and we were lost somewhere in Silang, Cavite at 2 in the morning. I never thought there were so many burger machines along roads, all looking the same and fooling us into thinking we were on the right track. Well, we weren't.
We got back to the dorm before 4. Anna got to check off "Suddenly go to Tagaytay on a whim, on a school night," from her list of things to do before graduating from law school. And all is right in the world.
current music: "transatlanticism" ~ deathcab for cutie
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(2 off-toned oiseaus sing the swan song)
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| Friday, January 11th, 2008
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what a Friday! the 11th of January , 2008
rising again from the dead at 1h06am - shirley, my wildest friend.
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"don't tell me you're not dating anyone"
"nope. I'm not."
"care to tell me why??"
"um, i don't know, the world is in a shortage of quality dates"
"picky."
Hah. If only.
--
In other news, baby, it's cold outside! I love this.
Ironically though, I feel like going to the beach.
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(sing the swan song)
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| Wednesday, January 9th, 2008
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what a Wednesday! the 9th of January , 2008
rising again from the dead at 4h57pm - fly high, UP.
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Skydivers came diving from the sky.
Hence the term, "skydiver."
Yesterday was celebrity. U.P. students from all over, past and present, came together to herald the University's 100 Years of Awesomeness. I still think the tag "UP @ 100, Ang galing mo!" was decided over several beers in some seriously drunken state of consciousness. Seriously, "UP, you're great!"?? But it's fine, really. We're beyond high-falluting words, aren't we?
current music: "So says I" ~ The Shins
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(sing the swan song)
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| Saturday, January 5th, 2008
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what a Saturday! the 5th of January , 2008
rising again from the dead at 1h50pm - This site is
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| Thursday, January 3rd, 2008
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what a Thursday! the 3rd of January , 2008
rising again from the dead at 3h41pm - reverse resolutions
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First day of the year, Jowein and I were both lurking on Y!m.
...
1 File Sent to joweinie.
charlie: that's happy new year to me
joweinie: hay naku ate
joweinie: kelangan pa bang sabihin
charlie: oo na
charlie: i know, i know
joweinie: text MAS MAGANDA KA NAMAN [SPACE] ON
joweinie: send to 2366
charlie: oh
charlie: that's not what i meant by "i know, i know" but yeuh, ON
joweinie: tsaka
joweinie: diba gelpren nya naman yun
charlie: onga
charlie: kaya nga i sooo know it's like i don't even think but I still am!
charlie: (a slight revision of the Cartesian mantra)
joweinie: so anong new years reso mo
charlie: wala
charlie: wala kong new year's resolution
charlie: puro new year wishes
charlie: kasi feeling ko, i'm so perfect already, i don't have to resolve anything about myself
joweinie: lets undo some perfection
joweinie: hindi naman kelangan improvement eh
charlie: like
joweinie: pede self-destructive (wah, gusto ko manuod ng fightclub)
charlie: hm
charlie: good idea
charlie: (bad idea if 2 weeks before midterm, but good idea in gen)
current music: "magic in the air" ~ badly drawn boy
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(sing the swan song)
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what a Thursday! the 3rd of January , 2008
rising again from the dead at 9h47am - scandals-per-second
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Step 1. Go to http://www.google.com
Step 2. Type "malaysian health minister"
And boom, Results 1 - 10 of about 223,000 for malaysian health minister in 0.12 seconds. In a tiny fraction of a second, I was able to verify this "top news" on local TV I've seen tonight. The International Herald Tribune reports:
Malaysia's health minister resigned Wednesday after admitting that he and a female friend were the couple in a secretly filmed sex video that has severely embarrassed the government.
A one-hour DVD recording circulated anonymously last week showed Health Minister Chua Soi Lek, a married man with three children, performing sexual acts with the woman in a hotel room.
On Tuesday, Chua, 61, admitted he was the man in the video and described the woman as a "personal friend." He refused to elaborate.
The former physician has risen fast in the government in recent years, but the scandal has turned into a high-profile embarrassment for Prime Minister Abdullah Ahmad Badawi, who brought Chua into the cabinet in 2004.
Being helplessly distracted by nature, I have two thoughts simultaneously in my mind right now. One, scandal spreads too damn fast nowadays. And two, google is a whole lot faster. I'm amazed at how information can travel at this rate. One minute some enterprising person sees a distinguished politician enter a hotel room with a woman decidedly not his wife. The next minute the person sets up his video camera and hits record. A few moments after that, the file is all over the interwebs, being featured on every geek habitat in the planet. Now, if the Malaysian health minister were aware of this, he would've double-checked for holes in the walls.
[P.S. I don't know why I'm listening to wham either,
but I'm feeling kind of new wave today.]
current music: "wake me up before you go go" ~ wham
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(1 off-toned oiseau sing the swan song)
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| Tuesday, January 1st, 2008
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what a Tuesday! the 1st of January , 2008
rising again from the dead at 9h25pm - no reason
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Yesterday, a couple of hours before the year changed, I fell out of... let's say "hope."
This morning I booked a flight for a month in the lion city: two weeks in kopitiams with review materials in tow and two weeks to go down and visit newest friends.
Tonight I bought zebra-print heels.
I told you logical causation is so passé. "Iz complicated" - riiight.
current music: "a call to apathy" ~ the shins
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(4 off-toned oiseaus sing the swan song)
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| Sunday, December 30th, 2007
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what a Sunday! the 30th of December , 2007
rising again from the dead at 1h27am - self-preservation
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| Saturday, December 29th, 2007
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what a Saturday! the 29th of December , 2007
rising again from the dead at 11h52pm - preparing for an awesome 2008... in pictures.
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In anticipation of Nikko the Nikon Cam, I've set up a new flickr account. So check out charliescenes. I expect some awesome pictures for New Year's eve as soon as I get my fireworks settings down. Not many of you know this about me but I do plan to be a serious photographer. (Or a serious poser, pun intended). It's like what Susan Sontag says, "travel becomes an opportunity to take photographs." And in my very modest number of travels I've taken tons of photos with the objective of capturing the soul of the places I've visited. I'm not really keen on photos of monuments with people plastered on them like they could have been photoshopped in the pictures. I believe that the character of even a simple, seemingly insignificant statue can be captured by manipulating your subject and perception. Well, as to what that has got to do with my law career, I will find out soon and get back to you.
current music: "I'm ready to be heart-broken" ~ camera obscura
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(4 off-toned oiseaus sing the swan song)
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| Friday, December 28th, 2007
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what a Friday! the 28th of December , 2007
rising again from the dead at 7h58pm - if you rescue me
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Oh, do watch Michael Gondry's "The Science of Sleep" even solely for this: Gael García Bernal singing a rendition of The Velvet Underground's "After Hours."
It makes my day, no fail.
"... Let me into your world
I'll keep you warm and amused
Oh the things we can do in the rain...
Oh someday I know
someone will look into my eyes
and say 'hello, you're my very special kitten'
But if you rescue me, I'll never have to be alone again"
Have you heard about the rumor that he's secretly making an indie film somewhere in Subic, PHILIPPINES? I wonder how that panned out, there wasn't any Josh Hartnett-like craze, I guess. But I enjoy watching Gael's films, he chooses his roles really well. So far I've seen El Crimen del Padre Amaro (The Crime of Father Amaro), Amores Perros (Love's a bitch), Y tu mamá también (And your mother, too), the above La Science des Rêves (The Science of Sleep), Motorcycle Diaries, and Sin Noticias de Dios (Don't tempt me/No news from God) and my reactions range from absolute love to moderate can-do-without-it. Well. Let's not forget about his French Levi's ad accompanied by Air's sensuous "Playground Love". I blush at Gael's direction.
current music: "Good times gonna come" ~ Aqualung
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(sing the swan song)
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| Thursday, December 27th, 2007
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what a Thursday! the 27th of December , 2007
rising again from the dead at 10h19pm - smoke
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To want a world is fire --- to obtain it, smoke.
- Gypsy Proverb
As quoted in Part 3 of The Palace of Tears
current music: "magic in the air" ~ badly drawn boy
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(sing the swan song)
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what a Thursday! the 27th of December , 2007
rising again from the dead at 3h54am - after after hours
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As Ted's mom would say, "Nothing Good happens after 2 am."
It's a couple of hours past Nothing Good and I'm still up. Why would an insomniac drink Benguet coffee before theoretically going to bed? Beats me. But since 11, two of my good friends and I were talking, nay, conferencing, about the year that was and the guys who were. We think like proper DUDES, I'm telling you. We're your perfect BOYfriends.
 Anyway, so I set aside Kundera's "Ignorance" for a while to read Bodee's gift, "The Palace of Tears," by Alev Croutier. The blurb alone, by no less than Isabel Allende, sold it to me: "This is an enchanting tale of love: a man dreams of a woman, while she dreams of a man who is dreaming of her... Soft and poetic, like music in a Turkish garden." I'm reviewing it mid-book, but the story feels exactly like that, like music in some foreign, mystical garden. Croutier writes like poetry. She is telling the story but the sentences read like lyrics without the rhyme and the meter. They are fluid, free-flowing, yet you don't lose track of the narrative. Exquisite is the word.
So far the story has got me hooked, wanting the dreaming man to finally meet his dreaming woman, halfway across the world, traversing culture and language. Bodee wrote me a little dedication, which was equally amusing: "May you have a Happy Birthday, a Merry Christmas & 363 other great days ahead. P.S. Here's to love on foreign shores." Now if only post scripts will find their way into the inner workings of the mysterious cosmos then wishes will come true, greenhouse gases will fade into oblivion and we'll live happily ever after.
But as it is, Nothing Good ever happens after 2 a.m. True story.
Good night, world.
current music: "Holly has the hobbies" ~ The Bye Byes
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(sing the swan song)
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| Wednesday, December 26th, 2007
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what a Wednesday! the 26th of December , 2007
rising again from the dead at 2h43pm - after hours
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If you close the door, the night could last forever
Keep the sunshine out and say hello to never
All the people are dancing and they're havin such fun
I wish it could happen to me
But if you close the door, I'd never have to see the day again.
If you close the door, the night could last forever,
Leave the wineglass out and drink a toast to never
Oh, someday I know someone will look into my eyes
And say "hello, you're my very special one" --
But if you close the door, I'd never have to see the day again.
- After Hours, The Velvet Underground
What's the message? There's no bloody message.
Close the door. Hello, never.
Last night I was talking to this non-friend. The subject of lunches and my tasteful pictures got thrown in here and there. But my heart is someplace else. It's freaking someplace else. I hate my melodrama.
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(sing the swan song)
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| Tuesday, December 25th, 2007
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what a Tuesday! the 25th of December , 2007
rising again from the dead at 12h38am - cheers, darling.
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First of all, Merry Christmas, everyone. I wrote the following paragraphs earlier this morning, when my mind was the opposite of clear.
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Who likes being alone anyway? Just because one is independent and functioning perfectly on her own doesn't mean one chooses to be alone.
In the dark hours of the night and the first few of the next day, I'm wide awake, alone in my thoughts. "I'm better when I don't think, it seems to get me through." But when the world is quiet, it is unbearably noisy inside my head, all these thoughts yapping away maniacally. And suddenly you'll give in to the temptation of a lit up smiley. After all, even though how advanced a ninja you are, under your mask, you're still human.
Still, I can't stand forced conversations! Either you're genuinely interested in something or you're not, just say it. How difficult it is to say, "I don't want to talk about that," or "I'd rather we don't speak anymore." I'd say, "Right, okay, it was great meeting you. Good bye," with a bit of grudge, yes, but with that sense of finality and the hollowness to move on.
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Well. It's been a merry Christmas so far, despite above declarations. Cheers.
current mood: sober.
current music: "cheers, darling," ~ damien rice
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(3 off-toned oiseaus sing the swan song)
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paganpoetry's journal
