Epic heartbreak.
That is what awaits me after this.
I just want you to know that I know this and I'm still going through it, because I think it is fucking worth it.
Try assigning an intrinsic value to all things you do. Let's say, reading a book. I like reading a book because I like how words can express scenarios, feelings, thoughts. Reading transports you to an alien place and tries to connect with your consciousness. That alone I'd say is worth sitting down 2 hours a day to read maybe about 50 pages, more or less, depending on distractions. I think it is worth the while.
And then there's talking to your friends. That could take hours. But you get to find out how they have been. You get updated with their lives. You don't see them very often (or not at all in some cases), but once upon a time you hanged out a lot, practically had interlocking lives and had been part of each other's every day. So you spend about 3 or 4 hours at night, or maybe on a weekend just talking to your friends online. It strengthens interpersonal relations, you get to affirm that you are not an ass, that people care about you and that you care about people. You get to mentally check that box that says,
"will probably not die alone (probably) - if could dial bunny's number before suffocating." I think escaping from your mind to talk to people once in a while is worth it.
There are simple one-to-one things like going to work will make you money, taking a shower will make you not repulsive to society in general, eating a meal will keep you alive and functioning, and sleeping will prevent you from being in a weird daze all day.
I am just saying, do not think that I am not fully aware of the consequences of going through this particular thing. How I assess its worth though is a matter too dark to be comprehensible. Let's just say it makes me feel good enough to put off my natural tendency to bail from certain doom. Picture a ten-wheeler truck fast approaching my direction, to which I would say,
"hey maybe the period between seeing the truck from afar and it hitting me is 10 seconds well spent." You get to experience the best adrenaline rush, reflect while your whole life passes before your eyes, these sort of things. I know the future is uncertain if not nil. I am not that naive to expect anything more. Understandably, heartbreak is a given. And to that I will give time, the rest of the year if you will. The goal is to rise above the shittiest of feelings, breathe deeply to be able to say,
"Hey, honey, how you've been?" with a fucking smile.